A Stance on Circumstances
A lot has happened since my last blog entry. Things have certainly changed quite a bit. My last semester of college came to an end. And just like that, as I walked across the stage in front of a couple of thousand people, my college career was over. I had been in school for as long as I could remember.
School is what I knew how to do. Exam? Sure, no problem. Paper? Okay, I don't really want to, but I'll whip something up real quick. Presentation? I really don't want to, but I'll suck it up and get it over with. I liked knowing a rough outline of what to expect. School was fairly predictable. I knew when I was moving back in. I knew when classwork would really start to pick up. We had midterms. Then finals. Then vacation. It was the vacations that I never really knew what to do with (with an exception to last summer, when the Lord kindly stepped in and shook my whole world right side up with Summer Project to San Diego for ten weeks).
Now I'd have to face the "Real World" and while I was excited because I couldn't wait to see what the Lord had planned for me, I was terrified. I'd have to go job hunting (which I've never enjoyed) and things would be really different. Where would I live? Would I stay in the area I went to school? Would I return home? What kind of job would I get? What would happen if I didn't like my job?
As you can see, there were a lot of "what ifs" and worries that I really didn't have control over. And that's where things started to get sticky. Yes, every now and then, I would remind myself not to worry. God is in control. Take it one step at a time and focus on what I need to get done right now. But I started really focusing on everything that was happening (or not happening) in my life. My circumstances had become the center of my attention. I was focusing in on this tiny aspect. And, in turn, was losing sight of the bigger picture.
So, with an aching heart, my soul downcast, and my eyes full of tears, I cried out to my Heavenly Father. Praying to Him throughout the day, reading the Bible in the morning when I woke up and at night until I fell asleep, and listened to a lot of Kari Jobe and Josh Garrels. I wanted Him to help me hand it all over. I wanted to lay it at His feet. I wanted Him to take the wheel again (the one I had seemed to grab a hold of somewhere along the way). I knew I could trust Him, but I wanted Him to help me trust Him even more. I wanted joy again. I was tired of crying.
And then, one evening I read about Abraham's faith. "He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." (Romans 4:19-21). His circumstances didn't weaken his faith. He gave glory to God in everything, knowing God follows through on His promises. I prayed that I could have faith like Abraham.
With every new worry I tacked on to my list, I made God smaller than He is. I lost sight of all He is capable of. I needed to step back from my problems. My focus needed to shift. Instead of looking intently at all that was going wrong, I needed to thank Jesus for all I did have. And once I started realizing all I was blessed with, my heart broke. Pride is ugly and sneaky. But it is wonderful once you admit you are wrong and ask the Lord for forgiveness, and pray He'd help you to repent (turn from it and go in the opposite direction). Redirect your gaze from your circumstances to the cross. It's then that you can truly be amazed by God's grace and bask in the beauty of His glory.
My circumstances haven't changed much yet. I'm still in the middle of everything. At first, I didn't want to post this blog entry until after I got through this transition season and I could look back. But I realized that the Lord wanted me to share what He's taught me now, not later. Even though I don't know what's going to happen, I know that He's in control. He knows what He's doing, because unlike me, He can see the whole picture. And it's amazing to know that Jesus with me every step of the way. Knowing I can cling to my Rock, and trust Him (Isaiah 26:4) is so wonderful.
And you know those moments where you just smile because of God's timing? Yesterday, when I was contemplating writing a new entry, I stumbled across an entry on worrying by fellow blogger Coleen York. Check it out here: http://www.shehasworth.com/2012/05/21/the-domino-effect/
And More Related Verses:
~ Romans 5:1-5
~ Philippians 4:4-7
~ James 1:2-7
~ Matthew 6:25-34
School is what I knew how to do. Exam? Sure, no problem. Paper? Okay, I don't really want to, but I'll whip something up real quick. Presentation? I really don't want to, but I'll suck it up and get it over with. I liked knowing a rough outline of what to expect. School was fairly predictable. I knew when I was moving back in. I knew when classwork would really start to pick up. We had midterms. Then finals. Then vacation. It was the vacations that I never really knew what to do with (with an exception to last summer, when the Lord kindly stepped in and shook my whole world right side up with Summer Project to San Diego for ten weeks).
Now I'd have to face the "Real World" and while I was excited because I couldn't wait to see what the Lord had planned for me, I was terrified. I'd have to go job hunting (which I've never enjoyed) and things would be really different. Where would I live? Would I stay in the area I went to school? Would I return home? What kind of job would I get? What would happen if I didn't like my job?
As you can see, there were a lot of "what ifs" and worries that I really didn't have control over. And that's where things started to get sticky. Yes, every now and then, I would remind myself not to worry. God is in control. Take it one step at a time and focus on what I need to get done right now. But I started really focusing on everything that was happening (or not happening) in my life. My circumstances had become the center of my attention. I was focusing in on this tiny aspect. And, in turn, was losing sight of the bigger picture.
So, with an aching heart, my soul downcast, and my eyes full of tears, I cried out to my Heavenly Father. Praying to Him throughout the day, reading the Bible in the morning when I woke up and at night until I fell asleep, and listened to a lot of Kari Jobe and Josh Garrels. I wanted Him to help me hand it all over. I wanted to lay it at His feet. I wanted Him to take the wheel again (the one I had seemed to grab a hold of somewhere along the way). I knew I could trust Him, but I wanted Him to help me trust Him even more. I wanted joy again. I was tired of crying.
And then, one evening I read about Abraham's faith. "He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." (Romans 4:19-21). His circumstances didn't weaken his faith. He gave glory to God in everything, knowing God follows through on His promises. I prayed that I could have faith like Abraham.
With every new worry I tacked on to my list, I made God smaller than He is. I lost sight of all He is capable of. I needed to step back from my problems. My focus needed to shift. Instead of looking intently at all that was going wrong, I needed to thank Jesus for all I did have. And once I started realizing all I was blessed with, my heart broke. Pride is ugly and sneaky. But it is wonderful once you admit you are wrong and ask the Lord for forgiveness, and pray He'd help you to repent (turn from it and go in the opposite direction). Redirect your gaze from your circumstances to the cross. It's then that you can truly be amazed by God's grace and bask in the beauty of His glory.
My circumstances haven't changed much yet. I'm still in the middle of everything. At first, I didn't want to post this blog entry until after I got through this transition season and I could look back. But I realized that the Lord wanted me to share what He's taught me now, not later. Even though I don't know what's going to happen, I know that He's in control. He knows what He's doing, because unlike me, He can see the whole picture. And it's amazing to know that Jesus with me every step of the way. Knowing I can cling to my Rock, and trust Him (Isaiah 26:4) is so wonderful.
And you know those moments where you just smile because of God's timing? Yesterday, when I was contemplating writing a new entry, I stumbled across an entry on worrying by fellow blogger Coleen York. Check it out here: http://www.shehasworth.com/2012/05/21/the-domino-effect/
And More Related Verses:
~ Romans 5:1-5
~ Philippians 4:4-7
~ James 1:2-7
~ Matthew 6:25-34
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