Expect Suffering, But Stop Pretending

“Since becoming a Christian, I’ve always had this mindset that the Christian life was supposed to be really hard. You’re going to suffer, and you have to smile and pretend that everything’s okay, all while you’re dying inside.” I confessed, sinking back into the comfy couch.

“Wow.  That’s interesting. A lot of people think that their life is going to get easier when they accept Jesus – like all their problems are going to disappear,” one of the lovely ladies at my community group pointed out.

I tucked this conversation away in my mind. Why on earth did I have this mindset from the very start? Maybe it was because the summer that I decided to accept Jesus as Lord of my life, I began to realize that following Him was going to cost me stuff that I wanted. Things that I thought I needed. 

My boyfriend at the time was the first to go.  I still remember the ache, the tears, the days spent in bed after I told him it wasn’t going to work out – that we believed two very different things, and that I needed to obey God, and work on getting to know Him.

And then I came home to a mom who, at the time, was not interested in hearing of Jesus. She thought I was joining a cult and had been brainwashed. I still remember the confusion, and the pain. How could I not share the biggest part of my new life with my best friend?

The year after I graduated college, my mom’s cancer came back and she underwent stem-cell transplant. I quit my job to help, because I felt that it was a no-brainer.  I knew that was what God was calling me to do.

The hardship continued with more battles with depression and anxiety, broken relationships, deep concern for loved ones, and then I walked – willingly – into nursing school.  And let me be honest with you – it felt like some deep suffering.  Because my flesh wanted comfort – it wanted easy.  My expectations versus reality shook me to the core and it felt too late to say this is not what I want to do.  Because, honestly, even in that frustrated place I felt that God was saying, “Stay. This is where I’ve called you. This is what I’ve planned for you. Trust me.” And I didn’t want to.

But I realize that the mindset of the Christian life that I held is only partially true. One of the main themes of the Bible is suffering.  The apostle, Peter, wrote: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” (1 Peter 4:12)  However, Peter goes on to say, “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:13)  I want to have a more balanced mindset.  I want to know I can rejoice in the midst of suffering.  I want to know – truly know – that yes, there will be hardship, but there will also be so many good gifts! 

Now, I look back on these times of hardship and seek out God’s presence and faithfulness.  What is it that I see?

I see beautiful protection in the ending of a very unhealthy dating relationship. I see my years of singleness as a time in which I could, without distraction, build my life on the firmest foundation ever – Jesus.

I see a mother who now prays with me and reminds me when I’m anxious to bring my cares to the Lord. A mother who is no longer afraid that I’ve joined a cult, but rather, one who is starting to see more clearly that our Heavenly Father truly hears and answers prayers. A mother who thanks the Lord for saving my life, for she’s seen the ways in which He has repeatedly saved me.

I see that time spent helping my mother in her sickest state as one of the most intimate times with the Lord. During those months, He built in me deep desires to know Him, for Him to be my satisfaction, and to have my life be poured out for His purposes.  It was one of the darkest times of my life in so many aspects, but it was oddly one of the most joyous times. I went on long walks, praying to Jesus. I spent hours reading His Word and journaling. I would spin and dance in the house when no one was around because of the supernatural joy He placed in my heart. 

I see the battles with depression and anxiety as training ground to develop a healthier balance and a greater discernment.  I see the broken relationships as opportunities to give grace, to learn boundaries, to keep inviting God to be God and for me to realize that I’m not. 

And nursing?  The Lord has blessed me with the ability to now see it as such a beautiful, sacred gift.  I get to start a career that is a tangible reminder of the Gospel.  I get to have a job that will keep me dependent upon my Father for His strength, His wisdom, His love, and His Spirit. That really is a beautiful gift.  For I see it as an opportunity to stay close to Him. Oh, because when we’re comfortable? When we aren’t in places that make us rely on Jesus? We can become blinded.  We can miss out on God Himself. I want to see God’s glory.  I don’t want to miss Him. With nursing, I get to enter into suffering – I get to co-suffer with Christ and with others – and when you enter into that place? God shows up.  He draws near to the brokenhearted.  He comforts those who mourn. And through it, He sanctifies and grows us.

I know life is going to continue being hard.  God, Himself, guaranteed it.  I will suffer.  People I love will suffer.  This is undeniable.  And dying inside – though the world would say to avoid it – is what we are called to.  Jesus said we are to die to self and follow Him. Living a life that is in alignment to a holy God is going to feel like dying.  But that’s where God does the miracle of bringing life out of death – just like He did with Jesus. The cross came first.  Resurrection only came after He willingly laid down His life.

But I need to challenge the mindset I’ve had for so long.  You don’t have to smile.  You don’t need to pretend that everything’s okay.  God wants you to be honest and real.  So tears can be completely valid, and if you’re angry with some suffering, go ahead and tell Him.  He can handle it.  Yet, sometimes, even in the crazy midst of some really hard suffering you get to smile. God is so capable of bringing peace that surpasses all understanding. And when things are falling apart, your faithful Father reminds you that everything will be okay one day.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.  And I’m thankful that God gives us one another to walk through those places of wilderness hand in hand.  

But please allow me to ask you something.  Would you rather be comfortable, but miss out on God?  Would you rather choose the easy road but risk never experiencing the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus? He is the true treasure, friends.  Oh, He is so worth it all. And let’s remember that He is the Man of Sorrows.  He knows what it is like to suffer.  And He suffered more than we can imagine.  Each time I think of Christ on the cross, it becomes weightier, more precious, and more heartbreaking.  He didn’t back down from the cross.  But He also didn’t smile and pretend like it was all hunky-dory in the Garden of Gethsemane.

I just don’t want us to be a generation who cowers from hardship and suffering.  I don’t want us to be afraid of broken hearts, battle scars, and busted up minds.  I don’t want us to back down from hard assignments, challenging places, and hurting people.  Let us be a generation who enters in with an eager expectation to see the Living Lord in that place. Let us be a generation that challenges one another to acknowledge the suffering and brokenness that sin brings into this world but also to see the redemption, grace, and supreme beauty of our Heavenly Father.  Jesus said that in this world there would be tribulation, but to take heart, He has overcome it.  Let us be a generation that doesn’t just know this, but lives it. 

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” ~ John 16:33

“Therefore, let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” ~ 1 Peter 4:19

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” ~ James 1:2-4

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ~ Hebrews 4:15-16