A Sunday of Sheep and the Good Shepherd

I'll start off by confessing that I recently had been struggling in my walk with Jesus.  Part of it started at the end of this summer.  Because I had cried a lot during my depression (and I mean a lot), I had convinced myself that crying was a sign of weakness and I wanted to prove to myself that I was no longer "the depressed girl".  So I had gone a long time without really crying.  I might have cried a total of four times since the beginning of September, and that is saying a lot for me.  But in order for me to keep this up, there were times that I spent with the Lord, sermons I heard, and stories I listened to, in which I built walls to prevent from feeling too much.  I didn't want others to perceive me as "weak" or "broken", and truthfully, I thought I'd be a failure if I fell back into depression, so any hint of sadness would result in me backing away.  Towards the very end of the semester, I started to keep God at a slight distance.  It got worse when I returned home for break.  I fell into a routine that I had previously been comfortable with at home.  And that didn't include quiet times with Jesus.  Then for Christmas, I got an ESV study Bible that I was so excited to dig into.  So during a really amazing quiet time with reading the book of Hosea, listening to a podcast on being a Christian single woman, and reading some of Captivating, I felt convicted of how I was spending my time.  I felt foolish for not spending more time with my savior.  I wasn't praying like I had before.  And so I started to let God in a bit more.  Some of my walls went down.  I invited Him into my life a little bit more.  And yet, I thought I was giving Him everything.

Then I went to Passion 2012.  It was amazing.  God definitely used the speakers, songs of worship, and seeing the selflessness of many to really speak to me.  Many times I felt as though I were going to cry, and yet the most I could muster up was a tear or two.  And I was forcing myself to do so.  But then God used a dear friend to break down the walls, and in a conversation that took place right after Passion, I finally allowed God to break into my heart and let the Truth sink into my heart.  She had asked me if I truly believed that I was a new creation in Christ and that my old self is dead.  This is something that has stuck with me the last couple of days.  And yesterday, Coleen York, a sister in Christ and fellow blogger, tweeted this: "When God steps in and changes your name, don't keep answering to the old. #liveforgiven #freshstart (Genesis 17:5)"[You can find her blog here: http://www.coleenyork.blogspot.com/]

Then, in church this morning, the sermon was on the Good Shepherd.  We looked at Psalm 23 and John 10.  The sermon touched upon hearing the voice of God, the parallel between the good shepherd & his sheep and the Father & the Son, how we find rest, sustenance, and restoration for our wounded souls in God's Word, and the fact that God is leading us to our future home.  At the beginning, when we started to look at Psalm 23, it was put into context (what was going on with David when he wrote this?): He was walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  The reality is that our days are numbered, and we were asked how we are using them.  After the sermon this morning, we were asked to meditate on all of this.  Which voice are we listening to?  I came home to stumble upon this blog by Jarrid Wilson: http://jarridwilson.com/the-inevitable-end/#more-722.  It's about how we are inevitably going to die, and asks us to think about what we're doing with our time on earth while we have it.

So, I have written a short story in response to all of this.  Do I think it's the best thing I've ever written?  Absolutely not.  In fact, I think it's rather silly and slightly horrid.  But I've come to the point where I am okay with letting others see something straight from the heart, instead of re-reading and editing five thousand times before letting someone look at it.  It may not be any good, but it's honest and what I came up with after wrestling with the things God has been showing me in the past few days.

            Not too long ago, there was this one sheep that was living on the earth among the rest of the sheep.  Now, there is nothing significantly special about this particular sheep.  There isn’t anything that makes this sheep more valuable.  Don’t assume that this one sheep was any better than the rest of the sheep population.  However, just like any other, the story of this sheep’s life is worth telling.  And that’s what this is about.  But you may be asking “why?”  The answer:  to point back to the good shepherd.  He is the one this story is really about.  Not the sheep.

            This sheep’s name was Perdita (Latin for “lost”).  Well, Perdita lived in a world where there was no direction.  Each sheep determined its own purpose.  They thought they were free to roam around and do whatever it is their little sheep hearts desired.  But the reality is, they were truly prisoners.  Some were chained to pleasing others.  Some were so tied up in their relationships that when their partner died, they lost their whole identity.  Some were prisoners to anxiety.  Others were prisoners to pleasing themselves.  All were prisoners to the dirty, broken nature of their hearts. 

            Now, Perdita had heard of a flock of sheep that was different than the rest of the world.  They had a shepherd leading them.  And Perdita had heard this shepherd was good.  Of course, she didn’t believe this, and held fast to the idea of wandering wherever she so chose.  Meanwhile, Perdita managed to wind up in a number of ditches, pits, forests, and once managed to get stuck in quicksand.  Finally, Perdita remembered the few things she had heard of the good shepherd, and decided to seek him out.  She asked around, and soon found the shepherd and his flock.  After some observation and discussion, she realized that this shepherd knew where he was leading his sheep.  Perdita had thought that she had chosen to start this journey, when in reality the shepherd had chosen her, had always known when she would join him on the journey, and would start to use Perdita in ways she never even dreamed of.  When she accepted that the shepherd was her own savior, and he came into her life, she was given a new name:  Azaria (Hebrew for “God has helped”).  In a world where each sheep was sending out their own messages, each preaching different things, Azaria soon learned the only one she could trust with the truth was the shepherd.  And so she learned how to recognize the shepherd’s voice.  And so she followed the shepherd and walked beside fellow followers.  Azaria learned a lot, grew a lot in her faith in the shepherd, and experienced great joy. 

            But then, one day, Azaria got it in her head that she had learned enough.  The good shepherd had taught her well and she could apply many of the lessons he taught her to her life.  So she decided she didn’t need him as much anymore.  She’d try this journey on her own.  If she weren’t able to do better, she’d at least be able to do a good enough job figuring out the paths.  And if she got to a point where she really needed some help, she’d call out for the shepherd’s help. 

            So off she went.  Wandering over hills, through pastures, around the pits she had fallen in before, and in and out of forests.  But before she knew it, she was standing alone at the foot of a mountain, looking up at the starry night sky.  Despite her thinking that she had grown so much, she felt as though a part of her heart was missing.  She felt lonely.  She didn’t know where she was going.  Azaria had reverted back to the things she had done when she was called Perdita.  When she realized this, and thought of the good shepherd, she was filled with regret and remorse.  How could she have gone astray?  Why did she think she was wiser than the good shepherd?  Who did she think she was?  Azaria stood there, shaking in the cold, and bleated out into the night.  Crying out for help.  And before she knew it, she saw a shadowy figure moving towards her.  Fear gripped her heart, not yet sure as to who was approaching her.  But then she realized that it was the good shepherd.  He had left the flock to come find and rescue her! 

            Azaria shrunk back in his presence.  She had never felt so guilty.  She lowered her head, preparing to be admonished by the shepherd.  And yet, the shepherd crouched down in front of her, set his hands on her neck, and looked at her.  She saw that his eyes were full of grace and compassion.  He smiled, wrapped his arms around her in an embrace, and shouted out with joy.  Azaria stood there, struck dumb.  Why was he rejoicing?  She had gone away from him.  He had left the others to find her.  She had thought she knew more than he did.  But here he was practically throwing a party over finding her again.  And where the guilt had just been residing in Azaria’s heart, joy started to creep in.  The happiness of the shepherd overflowed onto her, and it warmed her soul.  She was loved! 

            The shepherd laid her on his shoulders and brought her back to the flock.  Azaria had hated being distanced from the good shepherd.  He is the one who knows the paths that lead to her eternal dwelling place.  She knows to listen to his voice instead of listening to the thieves.  He provides life abundantly; the thief seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.  Azaria knows that she won’t be able to continue to follow him on her own strength; she’ll need his help.  But she knows that he has laid his life down for her.  And she knows that one day, when her days on the earth come to an end, she’ll go home.  

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.  He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." ~ Psalm 23:1-3

"But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep.  To him the gatekeeper opens.  The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice." ~ John 10:2-4


"'For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out.  As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness." ~ Ezekiel 34:11&12

"What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?  And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.  So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." ~ Matthew 18:12-14 (see also Luke 15:4-7)